WINDOWS UPDATE Error number: 0xC8000711

When using the Windows update if you encounter the Error number: 0xC8000711 (The website has encountered a problem and cannot display the page you are trying to view. The options provided below might help you solve the problem), try this :->

0xC8000711 Fix:

Start > Settings > Control Panel
Double Click on Administrative Tools
Double Click on Services
Start Service: Automatic Updates (This one is probably already started)
Start Service: Background Intelligent Transfer Service
Start Service: Event Log
Retry Windows Update and it should work.

All three services i.e. Automatic Updates, Background Intelligent Transfer Service, and Event log must all be started for the updater to work.

Jesus!!!

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

He rightly gets what he deserves

Godzilla did it not the iceberg

Gozilla Gozilla (as japs say it)

The Most Functional English Word?

Well, it's SHIT... that's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

Consider this:

You can get shit-faced, Be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your shit together, Find a place for your shit, Or be asked to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between Shit and Shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shits creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit.

Or not do so, If you don't give a shit!

Well Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do Give A Shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit.

But if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shithead........Well, shit happens!

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE

TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

There is hope

So-called labour-saving devices like cellphones and laptops mean we can work anywhere, anytime -- and there are employers out there who think that should be everywhere, all the time.

But there is hope.

The White Collar Slacker's Handbook: Tech Tricks to Fool Your Boss (Que Publishing) is packed with ways to build some quality time into that workaholic life and still keep people believing you're chained to your desk.

"The idea is to regain your personal life by using these same devices that are tethering you to the office," Saltzman says in an interview.

Here's a snippet from the section on portable devices in the book:

* Learn how to edit your BlackBerry messages to make it look like you're in your stupid cubicle like you should be!

* Forward your office phone number to a handheld device so that your customers or clients think you're diligently plugging away at the office.

* Copy an entire DVD over to your PDA or cellphone so you can watch Office Space while in your office space.

* Fake an incoming phone call so that you can get out of a meeting.

* Learn how to play sound effects on your cellphone so your boss thinks you're stuck on the freeway when you're really just running into the shower!

OK, perhaps he isn't entirely serious, but all of these things and more really are explained.

"The book was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but there are some really good practical tips in there," says Satzman.

Besides writing syndicated columns and books on technology, he also appears as an expert on various TV shows and regularly on TechTVCanada.

The one thing he doesn't really do is hold down a job where he has to slack off, since he's pretty much his own boss.

But that doesn't mean he hasn't used the odd trick or two himself to avoid having to explain why he hasn't finished a book or project by the appointed deadline.

"I've submitted articles to editors that were jargon files," he confesses.

A jargon file could be a photo file converted into a word document, for example.

The trick is to file the real article before they get too frustrated trying to open or unscramble the mess that appears on their computer.

Stairway to heaven