Thursday, May 26, 2005

There is hope

So-called labour-saving devices like cellphones and laptops mean we can work anywhere, anytime -- and there are employers out there who think that should be everywhere, all the time.

But there is hope.

The White Collar Slacker's Handbook: Tech Tricks to Fool Your Boss (Que Publishing) is packed with ways to build some quality time into that workaholic life and still keep people believing you're chained to your desk.

"The idea is to regain your personal life by using these same devices that are tethering you to the office," Saltzman says in an interview.

Here's a snippet from the section on portable devices in the book:

* Learn how to edit your BlackBerry messages to make it look like you're in your stupid cubicle like you should be!

* Forward your office phone number to a handheld device so that your customers or clients think you're diligently plugging away at the office.

* Copy an entire DVD over to your PDA or cellphone so you can watch Office Space while in your office space.

* Fake an incoming phone call so that you can get out of a meeting.

* Learn how to play sound effects on your cellphone so your boss thinks you're stuck on the freeway when you're really just running into the shower!

OK, perhaps he isn't entirely serious, but all of these things and more really are explained.

"The book was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but there are some really good practical tips in there," says Satzman.

Besides writing syndicated columns and books on technology, he also appears as an expert on various TV shows and regularly on TechTVCanada.

The one thing he doesn't really do is hold down a job where he has to slack off, since he's pretty much his own boss.

But that doesn't mean he hasn't used the odd trick or two himself to avoid having to explain why he hasn't finished a book or project by the appointed deadline.

"I've submitted articles to editors that were jargon files," he confesses.

A jargon file could be a photo file converted into a word document, for example.

The trick is to file the real article before they get too frustrated trying to open or unscramble the mess that appears on their computer.

Stairway to heaven

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Saturday, May 21, 2005


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.

The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light".

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh shit, am I driving?"

Q and A

Q: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
A: I said, "Dust!"

Q: Why aren't there Mexicans in Star Trek?
A: Because they have no FUTURE.

Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Q: How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff?
A:They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel.

Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's latest CD?
A: No? Well, neither has he.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


A boy rode on the donkey and an old man walked besides them. As they went along they passed some people who remarked that it was a shame that the old man was walking and the young boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame! He makes that little boy walk." They then decided that they would both walk!

Soon, they passed some more people who thought that they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful it was to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and the poor donkey fell into the river and drowned.

Is there a moral to the story?



The Champions League final on May 25 in Istanbul will enter the history books as it brings together two sides that have won a record combined ten trophies in Europe’s premier competition, the Champions Cup and Champions League as it is known now. Milan have won six cups: at Wembley in 1963 against Benfica, in 1969 in Madrid against Ajax, in 1989 in Barcelona against Steaua, in 1990 in Vienna against Benfica, in 1994 in Athens against Barcelona and in 2003 in Manchester against Juventus. Liverpool, for their part, have won the trophy on four occasions: in 1997 in Rome against Borussia Monchengladbach, in 1978 at Wembley against Brugge, in Paris in 1981 against Real Madrid, in 1984 in Rome against the home-town side. Overall, the Rossoneri have played in nine finals since 1958 and as two years ago, will play in all white while the English side will be in all red for what promises to be a wonderful evening in the Ataturk Olympic Stadium.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Football: Liverpool 1 Chelsea 0

Liverpool shocked Chelsea to move into finals of the UEFA Champions League, courtesy Luis Garcia.

Liverpool, which trails the already crowned Premiership champions Chelsea by 33 points, must now wait until Wednesday to find out its opponent in the final. Either AC Milan or PSV Eindhoven will earn a date with the Reds on May 25 in Istanbul. AC Milan holds a 2-0 lead in its tie after a home win last week.

It was good to see the smirk wiped of Jose's face at last and the defeat spoiled Jose Mourinho's attempt at back-to-back Champions League titles. The current Chelsea coach guided FC Porto to the title last season. The loss also denied the Blues an opportunity to complete a treble after having already won the Carling Cup and Premier League titles.

Chelsea beat Liverpool in the final of the Carling Cup. It could not, however, keep the Reds from pulling off the improbable and getting their revenge in the Champions League.

Drogba - 24 million pounds
Duff - 17 million
Makelele - 16 million
The look on Jose Mourinho' s face when he has to suck it up during the post match interview -- Priceless

Jose' s Post Match Interview

Jose Mourinho shrugged off the disappointment of his side's semi-final defeat at Anfield to declare: "I hope Liverpool win the final."
The Chelsea boss insists his side didn't deserve to finish the game as losers but he has now wished Rafa Benitez and the Liverpool players all the best in Istanbul.

He said: "From my heart I want Liverpool to win the final. It will be good for the Premiership if they do and I really mean it when I say I hope they win.

"I don't think they were better than us on the night, in fact the best team lost. There is no doubt about that. They got an early goal and then just defended for the rest of the game.

"They defended with committment, energy and enthusiasm and did it very well. Sometimes football can be cruel and I think it was cruel on us tonight."

Mourinho was less than impressed with the linesman's decision to award Luis Garcia's early strike, especially as TV replays have also proved inconclusive.

"He has to be 100 per cent sure," he said. "And even when you see it on the TV you cannot be sure.

"But we all make mistakes. These things happen. I don't think the Anfield crowd interfered with my players at all, but maybe it interfered with other people.

Monday, May 2, 2005

Apple launches Tiger OS

Mac OS 10.4 "Tiger" went on sale at Apple Authorized Resellers and Apple retail stores worldwide. The operating system includes "200 new features and innovations" that are sure to make Mac users upgrade to the new OS.

Another item which is sure to attract customers is the price of the OS. A single user license has a suggested retail price of US$129, but a Family Pack consisting of a single-residence, 5-user license is available for as little as $199.

Two star features of Tiger are Spotlight and Dashboard. Spotlight is a new desktop search technology that allows a user to find anything stored on his or her Mac, including documents, e-mails, contacts, and images. Dashboard offers a new way to quickly access information and applications called widgets.

The server version of the OS, Mac OS X Server 10.4 Tiger, is also now on sale. A 10-client edition is priced at $499, while an unlimited-client edition will run you $999.